Tuesday, February 24, 2026

Memilih untuk Tidak Tenggelam Dalam Duka


So I was scrolling my private IG and came across this post, which was written on January 2017. I wanna share it here since I think it's still relevant.

*****

Tadi ada kawan whatsApp, cerita masalah dia. Kemudian ada satu part tu yang buat saya mengalir airmata.... Kawan kata lebih kurang macam ni; 

"Dari dulu lagi saya selalu bandingkan diri saya dengan Sajida. Sajida cantik, baik, pandai, solehah, ada keluarga sempurna, ada anak yang comel, hidup Sajida terlalu sempurna..." 

Allahuakbar... Sungguh sampai sekarang saat saya menulis ni, mata berair kerana terkenangkan kata-kata tu. Sebab saya rasa sedih. Rupanya selama ni ada yang memandang saya sedemikian rupa. 

Sedangkan apa yang sebenarnya yang jadi dalam hidup saya, apa yang Tuhan telah ambil dari saya, ujian apa yang telah Allah beri pada saya, berapa tahun saya berendam airmata kerana diuji sesuatu dalam jiwa, semuanya tak pernah ada yang tahu. 

Hidup saya tak sempurna, masih tak sempurna, bukan hanya ada gembira meski senyuman sentiasa terukir. Percayalah tiada sesiapa pun tidak pernah diuji sehingga dia rebah tak terdaya. 

Saya mungkin tak tunjuk yang sedih-sedih itu, tak war-warkan apa yang telah saya hilang, tak terlalu bercerita tentang duka demi duka, tapi tak bermakna ia tidak ada. Tak bererti segalanya sempurna. 

Saya memilih untuk melihat dari sudut yang bahagia, memilih untuk menyebarkan aura positif sahaja, memilih untuk yakin bahawa Tuhan menguji kerana mahu menguatkan saya, dan kerana itu saya tidak persoalkan kenapa saya diuji begitu begini, tak pernah menyesal ditemukan dengan orang itu dan ini, kerana saya sentiasa letak keyakinan tinggi bahawa Tuhan ada rencanaNya tersendiri yang tak sia-sia. 

Look into my eyes, 

and see the sorrow behind it.. 

Stare into my eyes,

and feel the suffering that lies there... 

You can't find it? 

Look again... 

You will find the heartbreaks, 

coz you have them in yourself too.... 

Coz we're all human. 

And those things are part of us, 

not to break us but to build us. 

Percayalah satu perkara; SEMUA manusia yang kita kenal, yang kita jumpa, yang kita lihat di social media, mereka semua diuji, mereka semua ada sesuatu yang Tuhan telah ambil dari mereka, mereka semua tak sempurna, tapi mereka memilih untuk terus kuat & tidak tenggelam dalam duka. 

Sajida, January 2017.

Saturday, January 31, 2026

The Final Year of My 30s

Bismillah. 

It's the last day of January and I think I should at least update one post here. 

I am 39 this year, the final year of my 30s. There's nothing else I want to achieve the most for myself this year; except to become a better Sajida in all aspects; spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. 

It has been years since my "downfall" phase and since then I've been trying my best to fix myself. I used to wonder why it's so hard to take back the years that i've lost, but then after contemplating, I think I know the reason. 

It's nobody's fault and I accept that this is part of Allah's plan for my life and I fully believe that His plan is always the best. 

I might not see what's there at the end of the tunnel, but I know I have to do something and what I do throughout this journey will help me become a better person, aligned with my purpose. 

I guess that's all for now. See you next month, hopefully. 

p/s: here's a photo dump of my January 2026: 


things i bought for myself on the 4th of january

among the books i sold; as preloved

the birthday cake i redeemed from ZUS Coffee

the book i bought from tsutaya. loveee it

a few days before school started, picnic day at desaru

went to ZUS Signature opening day

Chikopi (SIL's cafe) officially opened on 17th January

my first time going to KotaJail

Mohammed Solah Qestah, a figure from Gz that I followed since 2023, was martyred. 😞💔

finally, my very own coffee station.
masha Allah Alhamdulillah 

Masjid Tampoi Indah feat. my sling bag and travel journal

cooked telur kicap rembayung a.k.a telur kicap t20 lol

Finally, Cookiecrumbs outlet in JB. 

the ceramic cup i bought for myself as a birthday gift, as well as my first purchase from shein

seeing lots of kids at my neighborhood playground on weekday's evening tells me that the world is healing

me in my black attire, after spending non-comfortable hours of wearing soft pink. i love soft pink but not for my hijab, it makes my face look dull.