The Friendships That Shapes Me

(This is my writing from a few years ago, from my IG story. I wanna share it here). 

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I wanna tell a story about my own experience with the friendships I have had throughout my 34 years of living on this earth. 

I hope you can find the gems you need from these stories, depending on your own personal life and understanding.

p/s: Someone asked me about not getting the same vibes from her friends, and it hurts her. So I hope my stories can somehow help her feel better.

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I am always emotional when writing about friends coz I do value every special friendship that I have/had, and apparently, for every friend that I hoped I could be in a special friendship with, it didn’t survive. (Still in touch with them once in a while, it’s just that the friendship is no longer as close as it used to be.) 

Not their fault, of course. It’s just that eventually we found out that we didn’t have the same goals for that friendship. So in the end, it’s either me slowing down or them leaving me. 

And what I mean by special friendship is: a friendship where we both pray for each other, always want the best for each other (dunya & akhirah) and never stop supporting each other in whatever good things we are doing (when someone supports you, you can definitely feel it even when they don’t say it verbally). 

Bonus: we both have the dream of performing umrah together.

I don’t simply go to my friends and list down everything I want in the friendship, coz I do believe that if they’re the one, I will feel it right away based on the vibes they give and the way they ‘understand the assignment’. 

In addition to that, for me, the best friendship is the one where we can talk to each other about feelings, ugly sides, and basically everything without making either of us feel even a tiny bit judged or avoided. 

note: I know certain women believe that they don’t really need a best friend once they’re married, but for someone in a situation like mine, having a best friend is vital. So let’s avoid being judgmental toward each other, and let’s not rate who’s better.

I once had a best crazy-friend, but I realized that we were close to each other only during our happy moments. Kawan gila-gila for huha huha, but we both didn’t really know each other’s stories. 

I’m sure we all have this kind of friend, kan? Of course, we are happy with them and miss them whenever they’re away. Or maybe we can call them our ‘hang-out’ friends?  

Back to my story, when we both graduated and didn’t really meet each other, I realized she had changed. No, not physically, but in the way she replied to my messages; starting from giving me a cold tone to no reply at all, for around a year. 

I was super sad about it and even told my husband that I dreamt about her a few times; perhaps because I missed her so much. And it hurts to think that she left me wondering what my fault was.

Long story short, she called me and told me she was facing big problems in her life and even went somewhere far away secretly for a while to heal. 

Since then, I’ve learned that when someone gives us the cold shoulder, we should suspend our judgment and try to understand that they might be facing difficulties that make them feel like they need quiet time away from everyone; instead of blaming ourselves or assuming everything negative about them.

And what’s more important is the lesson my husband taught me: contact your friends who all of a sudden choose to go into hiatus mode, tanya khabar and say that you are there for them if they ever need you, but don’t feel bad if they don’t reply. 

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Let's move on to another story.

I once had a best friend who basically knew everything about me, and vice versa. She was there for me when nobody else knew the difficulties I had.

So what’s the problem? 

She didn’t have the same goal regarding our friendship, so we found out that because of that difference, it was super hard for us to walk side by side on the same path.

So little by little, we left each other, and as Dena Bahrin once said, we both were “sad but accepted the fact” that we had to let go of that close friendship. No grudges, no resentment, no ill feelings. 

But one thing’s for sure, we both still pray for the best for each other. And Allah always knows best; today might not be the best time for us, and perhaps one day it will be, if that’s what’s best for our dunya and akhirah.

The lesson I’ve learned from it: It’s not anybody’s fault when a certain friendship has to end. Try to learn the precious lessons from it, appreciate the beautiful memories created together, and always, always pray for each other. And surely, it’s not important to find out who’s to be blamed.

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And I have a few close friends that I regard as special (coz they’re closer), but it turns out I am not as special to them as I thought I was. 

So little by little, I learned to be okay with the fact that I am just another good friend they have on their list. To be okay with that is indeed helpful in making me feel fine whenever I notice we don’t give mutual vibes to each other. 

Lesson: It’s important to accept the hard truth that people are different and have their own preferences/lifestyles. InshaAllah, with this kind of mentality, we won’t easily feel hurt, left out, tawar hati, and whatnot. Even if we do, we can easily move on from that feeling.

After what happened, I guess it’s okay not to have that one special friend. 

What’s more important is for me to be kind to everyone, and to be grateful for the blessing of having people (including strangers) who are kind to me; for example, you. 

If having “her” is good for my dunya and akhirah, I believe He will let me find one in His own special way.

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And… I am sooo thankful to Allah that He let me find my childhood best friend recently. I did feel like crying when we talked about our current lives and found out that we have so many similar life events. 

It kind of feels impossible, but that’s what happened. MashaAllah. Do you know how they say that other than the support from family and friends, having the chance to talk to someone (even a stranger) who is going through the same thing is totally helpful and gives us the strength to keep going? 

Yes, it really does feel like a gift from Allah to have her in my current life. I cried when she said: 

“Terima kasih tak pernah give up cari kita.”

♥️

Minta Allah Jadikan Kita Muqimussolah

Nak tahu satu doa yang sangat penting untuk kita amalkan setiap hari? 

Selain doa meminta ampun dan meminta dimasukkan ke Syurga, satu lagi doa yang amat perlu kita panjatkan setiap hari dan sebanyak-banyaknya ialah; 

— doa agar Allah jadikan kita orang yang mendirikan solat (muqimussolah). 

Kita tahu iman kita tak sentiasa di atas, tak sentiasa jiwa terikat kuat dengan Tuhan. Ada masa kita rasa malas sangat nak solat, dan ada masa kita rasa susahnya nak solat di awal waktu. 

Sebab tu kita kena minta sungguh-sungguh dari Tuhan, agar Dia jadikan kita hamba yang sentiasa tak sabar nak solat menghadap Dia, yang selalu ternanti waktu solat sebab nak rasakan kemanisan waktu sendirian dengan Dia. 

Kalau boleh menangis masa minta tu, menangislah. Yang paling kita perlu banyak alirkan airmata adalah untuk Dia. Yang paling kita tak payah malu untuk menangis teresak-esak ialah pada Dia. 

Kalau kita tak rasa ada nikmat dalam solat, mintalah ampun dan minta Allah bantu kita rasai kemanisannya. Kalau kita tak rasa ada ketenangan hakiki dalam solat kita, mintalah agar Allah berikan perasaan itu.

Apa-apa yang kita mahu, mintalah dari Dia. 

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From my Facebook post, written on 26th September 2016. 

The Arabic Store That Warms My Heart

Last year I found out that there's an Arabic grocery store near our favorite restaurant. So every time we go and dine in at that particular restaurant, I take that opportunity to buy something from that Arabic grocery store. 

I can say that going to that place somehow heals my heart, which is longing for Makkah and Madinah. The smell, the vibes and the items there definitely make me smile from ear to ear. Seeing almost everything sold there with arabic text on it is definitely heartwarming. 

I don't intend to write a lot here, just wanna share the photos I captured a few days ago. So, let the pictures talk! 😄 

didn't expect that the price is only rm13 ++

planned to buy this to eat with plain yogurt but next time insha Allah

would definitely buy this if we don't have one at home

banana milk. yummy!

a must-buy item for a milk lover like me

powdered vanilla. already have one at home.

my first time seeing baking soda with arabic text on it

not sure what's this

snapped a pic coz it looks interesting 

cute cookie

gonna try this later insha Allah. 

love the packaging. <3

will come again insha Allah

so i bought these 4 items. ♥️

That's all. Bye for now!

Tawbah; from 11 Years Ago

the picture i edited 11 years ago for my business: sajidahijab60 (later changed to elsajida)

So Facebook reminds me of this post I've written exactly 11 years ago; 21st September 2014. I'll share it here. 

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Bismillah. 

Whenever we think about all the sins that we’ve done, do our hearts ache? Do we feel remorse when we recall the mistakes we committed a long time ago? 

Hopefully we do. And it will be better if the pain we feel leads us to crying and wailing to Allah, pleading with Him to forgive each and every sin that has been written in our books.

We might forget certain sins that we’ve done, due to the countless number of them, but truthfully, Allah never forgets. He remembers every wrong deed of ours, no matter how long we’ve been drifted away from all the black days of ours.

Among the conditions of the tawbah to be accepted is for us to feel regret. And one way to prove that we really do feel regret about our sins is by having the pain residing in the heart. 

Wallahi it’s not easy to have such a feeling. It’s hard for us to honestly feel contrite about our past sins. It’s hard, but not impossible. The fact that you feel like repenting is already a sign that Allah wants to forgive you.

We really need to remind ourselves to have a correct understanding of how to repent. Don’t ask whether Allah will accept our repentance, rather, ask ourselves whether we’ve repented correctly.

He is waiting for us to return to Him. He is very happy when we want to return to the right path. May we all gather under His mercy one day. Amin.

Growing Up Together; My Big Sis and I

Can’t believe it has been almost a year since I last wrote something here. I do have so many things to write, but I rarely use my iPad. Why does it matter? Well, because for blogging, I still and will always prefer typing on keyboard rather than keypad, hence the iPad.

So today is my big sister’s birthday and I guess I finally have a strong reason to find time to write something here. She’s four years older than me and that means she turns 42 this year. Alhamdulillah. In my birthday wish for her in our family group today, I did mention this sentence: “terima kasih jadi kakak yang sangat baik” coz she definitely is! Allahumma baarik.

Me & elder sis. Terengganu.

I can still remember how she never felt that it’s embarrassing to bring a little sister everywhere she goes to hang out with friends. To think of it, it’s actually funny that she brought me along with her even to meet her besties at their homes. You can ask me about them, I know their names, their details and even their siblings’ names. 😂 

My sister was such a chatty person (with someone she’s comfortable with) and that’s why she talked about literally everything to me. I remember when we were during primary school, mom used to scold us for kept getting carried away with our crappy conversations and delayed our prayers because of that. Astaghfirullahal ‘adzim. 

As I get older, I realized that what my sister did (bringing me everywhere) was something very thoughtful and amazing. It was something that I never see her friends did. And I myself never did that! 

The day she got married. ;’)

Well, as for me it’s because me and my younger sister has a huge age gap between us which is; 14 years. I was already staying in a hostel when she was born hence the bond we had wasn’t as close as what I had with my elder sister, unfortunately. 

Back to my elder sister, I think one of the reasons we are so close is because we’ve spent many years living in the same room. She’s my best friend and she’s the one who understands every lame joke I make. And as millenials, we enjoyed watching a lot of TV series & movies in every language possible; Malay, English, Chinese (Singapore/Hong Kong/Taiwan), Tamil, Hindi, Japanese, Indonesian. 

Sometimes when we loved a movie so much, we would watch it again and again till we memorize the script by heart and would act as if we were the main characters. 😂 We enjoyed watching our favorite shows on TV, VCRs, and CDs. And not to forget, we spent a lot of time too, listening to the radio at night as well as our favorite boy bands’s cassettes. 

Little sis, big sis and me. <3

Oh how I wish I can go back to those times for a while. They were perfect, because all siblings lived under one roof and our parents were with us, healthy and strong. 😢 Little did I know that getting older somehow means you’ll miss your past even more and it hurts. 

I still have so many things to write about me and my sisters but I guess I need to stop here for now. Hopefully this post won’t be the only post for this year. 

Well, till we meet again. ❤️ 

Hatiku Tertinggal di Istanbul.

Bismillah.

Kebelakangan ini, terlalu banyak perkara yang mengingatkan saya kepada negara Turkiye, lantas membuatkan hati ini sangat rindukan tempat itu, khususnya Istanbul. Terasa ingin catat sesuatu tentang kenangan berada di sana setakat yang saya ingat. 

Ketika berada di Istanbul, saya tak ada kongsikan tentangnya di mana-mana platform social media milik saya. Sekadar tersimpan dalam handphone dan kamera.  

Tapi tak banyak gambar yang masih ada. Video? Langsung tak ada. Kamera yang saya gunakan untuk ambil gambar di sana rosak & gambar tak dapat retrieve. Yang dalam handphone ada sedikit, tetapi qadarullah, handphone tu pula dicuri orang. 

Dalam handphone suami juga tak ada gambar atau video kerana ketika itu, suami lebih memilih untuk menikmati realiti dan melakarnya dalam memori, bukan teknologi. Lagipun baginya, cukup saya seorang yang ambil gambar  

Kami ke sana pada 12 April 2014, ketika musim bunga di Turkiye. Sebenarnya Turkiye adalah sebagai persinggahan dalam perjalanan kami menunaikan umrah. Jadi kami hanya berada di sana selama 4 hari.

Those dates. <3

Tak puas rasanya tapi syukur Alhamdulillah dapat juga merasa berada di negara 4 musim ketika usia sudah dewasa. Walaupun saya pernah tinggal di UK tetapi sedikit pun saya tak ingat tentangnya memandangkan waktu itu saya belum pun mencecah umur setahun. 

Saya masih ingat lagi, ketika kapal terbang hampir mendarat, suami pesan kepada saya yang lebih kurang maksudnya 

"Appreciate the moment when you step out of the airport, the moment of being in a foreign country for the first time. Embrace your first ever experience of breathing the air of a four-season country. The feeling is precious."

Suami saya dah banyak pergi ke luar negara semasa zaman bujangnya. Jadi tahap keterujaannya ketika kami ke Turkiye tidak setinggi saya. 

Antara momen yang membahagiakan saya & tersimpan rapi dalam memori ketika berada di sana (tetapi tiada gambar) ialah:

1) pertama kali keluar dari Istanbul Airport dan merasa kesejukan luar negara. (Musim bunga tapi tetap sejuk sehingga bibir kering dan sedikit merekah).

2) pertama kali naik bas di atas jalan kota Istanbul, dengan pemandangan kiri kanan yang mesmerizing, sedikit berbukit dengan kelihatan masjid berkubah indah dari kejauhan. 

3) naik feri untuk pergi ke Turkiye bahagian Eropah, dapat turun bas dan berjalan dalam feri, menikmati pandangan langit biru yang sangat cantik dan pertama kali dapat tengok burung camar (seagull) dengan jarak dekat. 

4) naik kapal merentasi Selat Bosforus. Tour guide (Ahmad) cakap, kalau kamu beruntung, boleh nampak dolfin. Waktu tu saya terus berdoa untuk diberi peluang tengok dolfin dan Alhamdulillah ada 3-4 ekor dolfin yang berlumba-lumba di sekeliling kapal. Pemandangan deretan rumah agam di sepanjang selat juga terasa seperti dalam mimpi. It was so surreal. 

5) Dapat menjejakkan kaki dalam Aya Sofea. Waktu itu ia masih belum jadi masjid. 

6) Ada satu kenangan agak rare, iaitu lelaki tempatan yang kami temui dalam Aya Sofea (dia tertarik nak bergambar dengan anak saya yang ketika itu berumur 2 tahun lebih), kami temui juga dia di Turkiye bahagian Eropah keesokan harinya dan kami bertegur sapa (dia cam anak saya). Sebenarnya bukan lelaki itu sahaja yang tertarik & nak bergambar ketika melihat anak saya, agak ramai orang tempatan yang berbuat demikian. Saya agak, sebab anak saya pakai tudung dan di sana mungkin ketika itu ia bukan satu kebiasaan bagi mereka untuk pakaikan tudung untuk anak perempuan yang masih kecil. 

7) Pemandangan jalan kecil belakang bilik hotel kami yang saya sangat suka. Jalan yang sedikit menurun bukit, dengan pintu-pintu rumah yang cantik beserta bunga di sana sini dan kerusi meja kecil untuk berehat di luar. Ternyata saya jatuh cinta & rindu untuk berada di tempat sedemikian sekali lagi. 

Dah agak panjang rasanya saya menulis. Saya akan kongsikan gambar-gambar di sana yang masih ada dalam simpanan. 

That's all. Ada sedikit rasa tak percaya yang after 10 years barulah saya berkongsi tentang pengalaman berada di Istanbul. Semoga ada rezeki untuk ke sana lagi. Amin.

My bookish journaling story

As far as I can remember, I was a sticker hoarder when I was 10 years old. I even had a few sticker albums. And one of the reasons why I was so into stickers at that time was; my childhood bff had the same hobby. 🥰 

Fast forward, being a form 4 & form 5 student in sekolah agama with many tazkirah sessions made me someone who loves to write in notebooks (to jot down tazkirah takeaways) hence the urge to buy them again and again.  

And when I reached my early adulthood, I've fallen in love with writing whatever I have in mind, be it in diaries or blogs. I've found my happiness in spilling out my thoughts, ideas, feelings, experiences, and almost everything. The secret stuffs would go straight into my diaries 🤫 and the ilmiah stuffs would be published to my blogs.

Let's cut the story short; when I was 27, I started my own hijab business with the tagline "empowering muslimah". My goal wasn't only to sell but to inspire other muslimahs and encourage them to be proud of the muslimah 'label' that they have, as well as to keep on trying to be the best version of themselves. 

Since then I realized that I love everything about muslimah including the merchandises, stationeries, stickers and such. 

Books? Hmm where should I begin... In short, growing up has brought me to the path where I am constantly in need of reading. To conclude, let me just say that the book journaling IG that I've created is a comfort space dedicated for the little me, teenage me and current me. 🥲  

I have many IG accounts and most of them are work related. So to have this kind of account simply to celebrate a part of myself feels so good and for me; it's an act of self love. ♥️

p/s: my bookish journaling ig: instagram.com/sajidajournals

I write journal only for the fiction books I've read.

My favorite view.